Ian's Nose Will Rule The World
by AddUsernameHere
Summary: Number #1 in the But... Why? series. Tala asks Ian why his nose is so big. Ian asks Tala why he wears mascara. Not surprisingly, the two of them get into an argument. Involves little nose people, face vegetables and Ian sitting on Tala"s face.


**Number #1 in the But... Why? series (for more info see my bio page/profile) **

**I have no idea where this came from... I was really bored, so I decided to spend half an hour of my life writing about Ian's nose. I need friends.**

**Thanks to MrsRayKon, who gave me the bit about Ian's nose being longer than his snake Bitbeast, sharper than his attack ring and pointier than his performance tip.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Literally. Nothing. What is a social life?**

**Beyblade is not mine.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Ian?"

"What?"

"Why is your nose so big?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"Just asking."

"Leave me alone."

"But why is it so big, though?"

"Why do you even care?"

"Because no normal person has a nose the size and shape of a carrot."

Ian sighed. He was quite self-conscious about his nose, and his friend wasn't really doing anything to help. Saying that, Tala would probably rather spend a day alone with Bryan than compliment anyone.

"Tala, you're an idiot." Ian said. Tala frowned, wondering why his friend wouldn't answer the question.

"Is it because you keep little people up there?" Tala questioned, looking at Ian's nose. It was a perfectly reasonable explanation.

"Are you on drugs?" Came the reply.

"That's not very nice." Tala flicked his hair out of his face. He ran out of gel so he couldn't style his hair in it's devil horns, therefore he just let it loose. Ian thought he looked like a girl.

"You look like a girl." Ian said, not caring if he hurt Tala's feelings. Payback for saying he had a big nose.

"At least I don't have a vegetable on my face."

"At least I don't wear mascara."

"I don't wear mascara! It's not my fault that my eyelashes are really long!"

"And I don't have a vegetable on my face!" The two Russians glared at each other, trying to out-stare the other.

"Ha! You blinked!" Ian declared, pointing at Tala. The redhead scowled at him, his pale face tinted pink with embarrassment.

"You still haven't answered my question." Tala decided to bring up the subject of Ian's nose again, as he knew the snake didn't like it.

"Shut up! My nose isn't big!" Ian crossed his arms, acting like a stroppy toddler.

"Ian. Face it. Your nose is longer than your snake Bitbeast, sharper than your attack ring and pointier than your performance tip thingy. Your nose is basically a weapon." Tala grinned, pleased to see the look of hurt cross Ian's face.

"Performance tip thingy? Wow. So technical." Ian rolled his eyes, determined not to let Tala win this fight of... Uh... Insults.

"At least I can look in the mirror in the bathroom." Tala shot back. He was really enjoying this.

"Hey! My height has nothing to do with this!" Ian exclaimed as Tala laughed. Why was the wolf being so horrible?

"Don't worry, little dude. I'll see if I can make you some extremely thick platform shoes!" Tala offered. Ian growled angrily and threw himself at the redhead, but Tala sidestepped, leaving Ian to face-plant the carpet.

"I hate you!" Sitting up, Ian glared once again at Tala. The wolf simply smirked.

"Remember: you still haven't answered my question." Ian gawped. Tala just wouldn't let it go.

"How am I supposed to know? Why are your eyes blue?" Ian smiled as Tala looked at him, confused.

"Why aren't yours blue?"

"Oh, shut up!"

The two Russians ran around the room, Ian trying to catch Tala, Tala trying to outrun Ian. It was a very funny sight to any who happened to be watching.

"Stop moving!"

"Stop chasing me, then!"

"Only if you stand still!"

"Sure; as soon as you stop stalking me! I mean, I know I'm beautiful, but this is too much!"

"You are such a girl!"

"And you're short!" They continued insulting each other, running through the house, not caring if they knocked any furniture over. Finally, after half an hour, they both collapsed on the sofa.

"I... Hate... You..." Ian gasped, clutching his stomach. Tala growled at him, also exhausted. He rested his head on the arm of the sofa and studied his friend.

"Wow! Your nose is even pointier from the side!" Tala said, suddenly not tired anymore. Ian looked at him, shocked.

"You know, your nose could be used as some sort of nuclear weapon. I dread to think about what happens when you sneeze." Ian flinched. Tala was seriously getting on his nerves.

"You could use it as a knife. Or a safe. You could hide a dead body in that thing and no-one would notice. Or-"

"That's it, prepare to die!" Ian stood up, and, before Tala could process what was happening, he sat on the redheads face.

"Ian! Get off! I'm warning you!" Talas muffled voice came from under Ian. But the snake wouldn't budge.

"Say sorry for saying I have a big nose and for calling me short."

"Never!" Ian shrugged and reached for the TV remote. Tala tried to push the Russian off of him, but to no avail.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry!" Tala finally apologised. Ian smirked and stood up, watching as Tala caught his breath.

"You look really stupid." Tala stood up, hands on his hips, and glared at the short boy standing in front of him.

"Oh, by the way, Ian? You are stupid. Ha." Ian narrowed his eyes, studying his friend. His fiery red hair floated around his shoulders, covering part of his face. Dark eyelashes framed ice blue eyes, and his milky skin made his orange, blue and white stand out from everything around him.

"You look really feminine." Ian smiled as Tala frowned. The wolf cast his eyes to the floor, genuinely looking hurt. Ian was about to say sorry when something connected with the side of his head.

"Hey! You kicked me in the head!" Ian gingerly touched his temple, feeling a bruise forming.

"You called me feminine!"

"Well, you called me stupid!"

"I'm allowed to insult you, I'm the captain!"

"Yeah, well, I'm better than you!"

"At least I don't have a vegetable on my face!"

"At least I don't wear mascara!"

"Ian?"

"What?"

"Run."

* * *

**Heh... Uh... Don't ask.**

**Please R&R...**

***searches eBay for a life***


End file.
